In UNSEND

An Unsent Letter for Toon Knol (Part II)


Thank you for keep reading until part two.

Part two is really turn back point for me.
Where i was & felt   M I S E R A B L E 
But it changed me a lot, it realized me of how he teaches me a lot about myself, to realized what is the indescribable feelings' mean.
So, here I present you the part two..



F A I T H
(An Unsent Letter for Toon Knol - Part II)

Dear Toon,
I was happy to find out what indescribable feelings i had towards you. It was love. Yes, I admit it on the day of your birthday. I was so serious and meant what I said. We talked until I went to Jakarta, it was amazing journey through all of these. When I was in Jakarta, I worked so hard thinking that,

"I can do this, I know I can do this. Toon inspires me so much in a lot of things."

You have inspired me to be a moderator that I am now. I still work on my mission tho, to open taboo topics and discuss it with my respondents. To open their minds about relationship & sex topics and educate them, without losing any of our morals and Indonesia culture. I still do that until now and I get lots and lots of positive vibes from everyone.

After we talked again and well i thought there was something to fight for.

Well I was wrong.

I know it sucks when you hurted so many times in your past. I can't blame though. You were scared to move on and try new things. You know what? I hate when you said you wasn't so sure to do Long Distance Relationship (LDR) but then I realized it have to be done like that. I'm glad it's over to be honest. Now look where I am now, an inspiration for people to express their stories, their life on relationship & sex topics. I'm grateful enough to say that I'm really proud of who I am now. You and all the rest boys that ever came in my life shortly. You all taught me to chill about love, because the more I chased you all, the more I lose you all too.

I'm grateful enough to say that I'm really proud of who I am now. 

So this is our last chapter. Our ended chapter that we know we can't never continue and prefer to walk on our own path differently. To the indescriable feeling that I used to have. Here I present you..




F A I T H
F C K    Y O U
(An Unsent Letter for Toon Knol - Part II)

Dear Toon,
You missed lots of news after we don't talk anymore. I met lots of guys after you but I'm so chill about it and not rushing anything until now because hell yeah I'm loving myself now, I accept myself. I will publish my first podcast too in Indonesia language, talking about my experience love in life and I'll mention about lots of boys that ever get to know me and of course I'll mention you too.

You see, Toon.
Just right after we ended all things, sure there are some days that I cried like a baby thinking what have I done. I have to took some seminars about love to find out what's wrong with me and now I looking back to what I've been through the past months, I know the answer.

It was Gaslight.

As written by Psychology Today,
"Gaslighting is a form of persistent manipulation and brainwashing. The effects for victim is always doubt her or himself, and lose her or his own sense of identity, perception, and self-worth"


(Also read about "Gaslight")

Yes Gaslight, and then at that moment I share about what is Gaslight at my Instagram too. Finally I can feel free, and I know I wasn't wrong at all. You know? I was thinking I didn't want to continue this last part of the letter I write, for almost 4 months I kept thinking should I write again? Should I clarify things? Should I feel sad again to write revenge letter? Haha, the last part was joking tho.. But seriously, I felt sad for myself because I too exposed things between us, made people know our story lol, sorry for that.

Well this explains a lot don't you think? HAHA. Thank God I'm over it, and also I'm so grateful I can write this Unsent Letter that I know you will never read it though. But through this, I prove myself that I'm a strong girl, I can move on and I can write this letter until finish.


SO HERE I AM, WANTED TO SAY THANK YOU FOR :
1. The laughter and smile
2. Coffee talks
3. Those late night video calls
4. Movie nights 3 times
5. Imagine 20 babies talks
6. That blanket you said mine
7. Dick pic (lol no i didn't do any revenge porn,
Thank God I still use my brain so I didn't sent you any nude pic)

NB : I'll be back here to update some link so y'all can read what I write about Sex Education haha!

So look at me now Toon, I'm a way much mature on dealing this cheesy feelings. Well this is the last part of our story. No more letter will be write about you. The prime time has finally shining so bright and I just keep on dancing because I finally found myself.



Yo Toon,

"thank you, next"

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